just buzzin'

today after work, chaya and i took a long walk. then she curled up in the front yard and watched me circle around the neighborhood. practicing bunny hops on my bike. my neighbors are probably convinced at this point that i'm wacked out. maybe they're right. i can't seem to lift my tires / bike as high off the ground as i'd like. AND, i also can't do it without being clipped into my pedals. AND i can't make solid, tight left hand turns without losing balance.

tonight was movie night. after much persuasion, i rode the rockhopper over to seth's to hang with ry and other random boys and watch movies. the movie was pans labrynth and it was actually really cool. i'd like to see it again from the beginning. one beer on an empty stomach has left a cool buzz and is stirring up contemplative thoughts about life and goals.

for some reason, i'm most motivated when i'm most challenged. unfortunately, when left unchallenged, i become lazy, and inclined to only focus on active tangible things that provide immediate satisfaction and enjoyment like bikes, dogs, hiking, etc. for some reason, this lack of focus might be ok if i had that other missing part of my life - aka an amazing boy who filled that void creating a whole. after all, isn't that what makes life worthwhile? but left unfilled, i know that i need to do something more. and if the last few boys that i have met are any representation of the state college pool, the void is gonna sit unfilled for quite some time. so the question remains - what more do i need to focus on?