boston

lunatic completed the boston marathon just a little bit ago - w/barely training for it too!
craziness - how does one accomplish such a feat?
maybe next year he can beat lance :)

garden saga... pII

For those of you who have followed the saga that is my stay in a condo, you are well aware of the battle that has ensued between me - and the association over my beloved gardens. In short - they voted to remove ALL GARDENS and items that had been installed - regardless of previous permission granted - around the association in the spirit of making EVERYTHING LOOK THE SAME.

awesome.

This included all flower pots in the driveway, plant hooks - and even a line item on bird feeders in the red maple out front! (one thing i wasn't guilty of). Not to mention setting restrictions on holiday decorations such as Christmas lights, etc!

Being me - I decided to FIGHT IT. Why? Because some of me can't believe that my gardens - filled with flowers and color - were really that offensive to the majority of the association. And some of me thought - perhaps people don't really know what they want - and don't really understand what they are voting for.

I sent out a pleading email to the group asking for support in a revote. I needed atleast 10 units to support my request and quickly had 15 on my side! 15 was more than i had vote for keeping the gardens (17 voted to remove them - 2 by default as they didn't vote) to begin with so my email had obviously swayed some people's thinking... or convinced them to voice an opinion.

So, i decided to campaign. what i never had understood before was why politicians spend so much time and money campaigning with signs and advertisements... but now, i think i understand. People don't always:

  1. know what they want
  2. know how what they want translates in the form of a rule or regulation
  3. understand how to communicate what they want
To make a long story short - i've begun my campaign. I spoke at the quarterly meeting Sunday and pleaded my case. While I expected quite the debate - there was not one voice of dissension and in fact a few voices of support that i hadn't heard from before.

Amazing.

The ballots are being sent out this week with an outcome unknown. You never know what people are really thinking and sometimes people are braver in the comfort of their own homes and less apt to publicly vocalize.

Based on emails and verbal confirmation I'm at 16/30. 21/30 needed to keep my little plot of land.

Saga - To be continued...


there are a few undiscovered places in this town - where you can go to relax. to enjoy quiet - to enjoy time alone...

To enjoy a wild - furry - water loving, stick retrieving labrador. who does the most ridiculous things... like shake.

And shake some more...

and leap.


yup, she's got mad ups...


did i mention she leaps?

and then you look around - and realize everything is still. the world is still. new growth awaits. splashes turn to calm.

life is too short - too much intensity and it passes you by. find beauty in details. sometimes - solace comes in quiet solitude. and finally you can let everything else go - and appreciate the moment - for what it is - there and now.

rolling...

The 9am shop rides were always a favorite of mine... where else can you find a group of people who all - love - to ride their bikes. who give up sleeping in on a saturday am to roll down to the shop, for coffee ... and apple cake (today's special)... while the guys have been going out all winter (i presume), i have been slacking... but alas today, i decided to give it a try.

i arrived around 9 - and was the first one there. slowly people rolled in... and slowly i realized that - these weren't my usual compadres that i could comfortably ride with...

soon i recognized that the shop ride - on this day, was a contingent of the "a boys"... the ones who in past years have dropped me within minutes of rolling out of the shop.

i started to panic - as i would have last year... and then i decided that - at the very least - i could try to hang - for atleast a little bit - and then follow my own ride and make my way home.

then came kurt - and paul... and a few others who eased my thoughts... but i had already decided that i would try - to keep up.

we rolled out - at who knows what time - 14 deep - certainly not the designated 9am departure. with the plan of riding to rebersberg (matt and whoever else), penns cave ... or coburn. i was the sole female representative.

riding out brush valley, i always made sure i had a wheel to draft... and i hung on... and on... i road with chip for a while and was so happy to hear that his fight against cancer is successful so far. i learned about mike's experiences with training for PBP - including the 40 hour limit 340mile ride - YES 340 miles in 40 hours. crazy. this was my first time riding with mike. i got my techno-geek fix from todd -talking blue ray and all of the associated technology...

and before i knew it - we were at penns cave. the legs felt ok - so i carried on instead of turning off... and then came coburn. at this point i contemplated going on but... decided to stick with what was left of the group. matt and billy would more than likely hammer their way onward to rebersburg and i would only drag them down.

today, i made it through a ride out of my comfort zone with a group who i never would have thought possible to keep up with for so long. at the end of it all - i hit close to 67 miles - my longest ride of the season so far - and i felt ok.

there's nothing better - there's nothing that can boost the spirits more than a huge group ride like that. so many people - so many conversations... so much fun... and such a confidence builder. i'm looking forward more rides - long rides - and the summer to come.

perspective and reason

the past few weeks - have been challenging to work through. between family and relationship - it has felt like things are crumbling down around me - slowly.

yet, i have lost track of some really amazing things that are happening. and things that are there for me to look forward to.

for one, my research is partially funded. the tract forward - for my dissertation - is now supported by my boss and adviser which means i can work on it - in part - during the daytime as a part of my job.

just the other day the possibility of another 3d vis project came my way. for those of you who know me, you know this is - my passion without a doubt. this project is by no means set as of yet - but it's a possibility.

i'm working on a project which may become curriculum that is approved to use in highschools in pa - kinda cool.

went on a nice - slow due to my wasted legs - cross ride with lunatic, last night. it was nice to get back into our weekly riding routine - there are certain friends that you spend time with in particular ways and we've always caught up on the bike... much needed. and so much more fulfilling to be in the woods on a bike - than in a bar drinking!

later, i tried to go out with some girl friends for a girls night out to dance and blow off a little steam. the problem being the venue was one i had shared with *him*. and the entire night i found myself zoning out, staring at the door wishing he'd walk in and ask me to dance. he's the most amazing dancer - and its so much fun. i'm a cheesy romantic at times- yes. .. i wanted us to laugh again. and remember how much fun we could have - together. as the night progressed i realized this wasn't going to happen. i knew it wouldn't happen but... they just were memories that i couldn't erase.

at the end of the night, as i road home past his house (unavoidable as it's enroute) i realized that - i need to get my head together so i can live my life without continually dwelling. because i can't control the future. and i need to let time in this case sort things out. i need to give him space to breath and think. i need to recognize that everything can't be planned - and that compromise can be worked out - and that change happens.

weighted conversations about future were taken too far too early in the relationship. when the present - is here for us to enjoy now. and in truth our future aspirations are not too far apart - that it couldn't realistically be worked out. i think that we want similar things. and our time together could be managed in a way that alleviated stress and pressure and allowed other tracts of life to continue and be fulfilled.

but alas, we're still here - apart... and damage has been done on both sides. and its sad. the thought of not getting through this - is sad. i'm trying to not think until i know. it's hard.

and so it's another day and another night... without him - without communication... living with the unknown... and trying to deal. just another night.

hollow

this word best describes me these days.
there is a huge void - that has been left.

what was once whole, smooth and solid - is now jagged, withered and empty.
what was once so perfect - is now shut down.
the switch has flipped and what was once the shining star in my life - and in my future - is now a huge unknown.

food is tasteless. work is bland. my weighted eyes just want to close - and reopen with things worked out.
solace is only to be found on the bike - or in the woods. thank goodness for that - it's where spent so much time as of late...

alone is good - yet the minutes feel like hours - hours like days.
sometimes surrounding yourself with friends is better - and needed. i have - without a doubt - the best group of friends anyone could possibly ask for. how am i so fortunate?

i want to call but - i know now is not the time. i want to atleast know he's ok but - space is best for now so... he can figure things out.

i think back to the beginning when - he drove 3 hours to greet me at my door with soy milk and home made cookies. when we laughed and laughed. when we were so happy. i'm not sure what's changed aside from stress. maybe that's enough to test. and the ultimate question is - will we - can we pass?