and then there was glass...

In celebration of my recently achieved candidacy status, i took the day off to drive up to corning, NY with my good friend Pamela (with child) to check out the Corning Glass Museum and in particular, the Botanical Wonder exhibit highlighting the incredible, intricate and botanically accurate work of Leopold Blaschka and his son.

Picture above - a super cool hands on exhibit about glass and optical allusion.


If you haven't seen or read about it - it's worth your time. Here is an overview.
Their work started with deep sea inverts...


Until one botanist realized the potential application of intricate glass work to the growing field of botany.



spectacular.



In short, if you don't feel like reading about it - they made flowers, and invertebrates, and modeled what diseased forms looked like. The challenges involved with studying real organic material are great as keeping it in tact in its true form and color is nearly impossible. Glass provided and excellent way to examine, understand and study organic forms as they would be found in nature.



Other exhibits at the exam included pieces by chihuly and others... and hands on exhibits demonstrating the many uses of and evolution of various properties of glass...


I found this one a bit disturbing - perhaps a grim commentary on suburbia.



towards the end of the day we signed up for a workshop. i made a flower and a new friend as one of the guys working the workshop was our age (not pictured)...


Take careful note of my awesome outfit.



my flower came out beautiful! it's on my kitchen ledge... a reminder of an amazing day with a great friend.

abuse and the hunt

here is something i just can't begin to comprehend...
it's called - animal cruelty... and it happens all of the time. and it's been particularly of interest lately given the vick case - michael vick fighting ring. but here is a headline from today:

3 dogs found skinned and mutilated

i can't begin to comprehend how people can torture animals. i can't begin to comprehend how anyone can feel good about taking the life of another creature - ever - in any circumstances short of being stuck on a deserted island with no other source of food... when it is completely unnecessary. it just makes my heart sink every time i read such a story.

what kind of sick, twisted people do these things?

sad

yea so he didn't have a squeaky clean record - sad none the less.

rekindled.

given the past holiday, this week has been all about the family.

a few of my cousins are in very different relationship gradients. the one, has in recent months rekindled and old flame and was glowing with happiness. u could tell the moment she walked in the door. it was nice to see. the other - is dealing with the aftermath of a long-term on and off again relationship which has just ended - perhaps for good. not so nice as she was visibly upset.

i felt her sadness.

i only met him a few times. he didn't seem right to me. She is a brilliant, tallented young girl with an amazing job, drive and so much to offer; i didn't see him in the same light. however i didn't know him well and they were very much in love so who am i to judge.

regardless, it's over now and probably for good this time. she is undoubtably dealing with being "alone" in life. this is a difficult transition to make.

it makes me wonder... it seems like many single people derive a large amount of confidence and happiness from being in a relationship. but in different ways.

for some, happiness is derived from the potential to help, "be there", change an individual that is in a "not so great place" but has "great potential". i guess the one gets the help and support they need and the other gets to feel "needed". for others, it's derived from someone who's willing to work at and take care of said person and the related sense of security and comfort which this brings. i would imagine that there are others yet who find happiness in equally reciprocating relationships where both parties are "there for" and "completely supportive of" each other. this would require 2 equally strong individuals with similar needs and goals - does this exist?

the third latters seems to be much more elusive and what everyone, in theory seeks.

in the end i wonder if most people are aware of what they look for in another person - or what they want. or more importantly, what truly makes them happy. in my head i'm certain that i've finally figured it out - although it's taken a bunch of bad experiences mixed in with some good to get there.

now if i could only find it.

are ya ready for some...

football!!! ofcourse.

it's that time of the year... exams behind. i can actually enjoy the games without feeling guilty... when it's cold / dark / etc outside i don't mind as much being locked inside.

last weekend i met jess and misha at champs to watch the game. we got there before the 4pm steeler kickoff but the packers and colts were playing. i've never experienced media overload to this extent before. so many screens, so many games - some hi def even.

the steelers were nothing less than dissappointing... seems like they have perpetuated a pattern of losing games that they should have in the bag - especially outside of heinz field. the packers on the other hand are on a roll... and there's nothing more satisfying than watching favre's team come close to his caliber. they even rocked the turkey day game yesterday. nice...

hacked

the most perfect time to have your server hacked is:

1. when your backup server is down
2. when you're just about to approach a holiday
3. when it's late in the day and you're just ready to go home.

all of my wishes came true today. we were hacked - and notified of our said hack by the lovely men and women of the psu security quad - via email.

the hackers installed ftp software on our server in an attempt to setup their very own warez site.

awesome.

we had known this was coming however we had another fish to fry... i have, been in the midst of trying to repair a down powervault that stores gigs and gigs worth of data that supports our applications. while i finally was able to order the correct part that got the thing online - our data is still questionable and thus switching the apps from the hacked server to the backups wasn't an option.

so, we decided to switch the home pages to another server and place "site temporarily down" messages on each home page. i guess it's better than a blank "page not found" screen - but this process will take time as it requires yet another division of the psu IT department to reroute (change the dns settings) of all of our urls... all the while i'm waiting for an email from our server admin saying "the data has been recovered from the powervault"... even though i'm fairly certain this won't happen...

grrrrr.... luckily i was in a good enough mood today to suck it up and just do what i could without getting stressed.

damn hackers tho - don't they have anything better to do?

beautiful

i'm back to my winter-time hibernation workout schedule.
this involves retreating indoors -- off of the bike - and to the gym. every year i have goals...this winter i have a totally new one - which is increased flexibility. i've been reading and reading about how it's virtually impossible to harness your true strength without being flexible. and i've always wished i could do a split, so i decided to dive in to a stretching routine on top of lifting and forced cardio. something to work towards always provides inspiration.

there are many, many familiar faces at the gym - and some new ones.
the same old guys to dodge (including banana peels who, in case you hadn't read about him, he still has a very special and not to be forgotten place in my dating history).

there are a few tho that i see regularly that i can definitely respect (perhaps, given previous experiences, this is because we haven't yet exchanged words). i think it's training all those years in the pool that made me appreciate to the fullest that perfect v shaped back, and associated vein lined forearms that only built traps, delts, lats and so on can build.

yes when you are trapped on a stationary machine for 30-50 minutes at a time the mind does tend to wander. it's all in good fun tho...

from the woodwork

they all came out last night.

it started as a celebration night. the candidacy exam fresh - yet done. it was cause for a night out on the town with no curfew and no worries.

e and i planned to meet up at zenos around 9. i got there first and there were no tables to be found however emily - another successful exam taker was celebrating her birthday! i hung out with them till e arrived and we managed to grab a table. he greeted me with a big hug - "i'm so happy for you". it felt good.

before i knew it - i realized a few cyclists were there. and then more people started coming in - anthro grads, eco grads, larch, cyclists... Our table soon became a slow rotation of all of my favorite people in state college. it started with nic, and then misha and her friend... they left in search of a larger table and in came mandy... then seth and dragana... as the night progressed, zenos was choc-full of fun people and i floated from table to table laughing and enjoying my new found freedom.

it was fun. it had been a while since i was able to actually enjoy a night out like that. and it was SO GOOD to see everyone out. i made my way home on the rockhopper around 2:30am. ready to drink lots of water and curl up in my warm comfy bed.

that, my friends, was a fun night. i hope there are more of those to come.

katrina

for those of you who haven't been following... the cnn headline for today. They originally promoted their flood control as having the potential of mitigating 5+ feet of water... oops - damn plus and minus signs - they always get me too:

But in a report released November 7, Corps scientists estimated that the actual benefit the system would provide would be just 6 inches.

The discrepancy was tucked into the voluminous report's appendices, and neither the Corps nor the scientists hired to conduct the study brought the changes to the public's attention when the report was released. It wasn't until New Orleans television station WWL-TV asked an engineer involved in the assessment about the discrepancy that it became known.

"We've made some corrections," the engineer, Ed Link, told The Associated Press on Friday night.

Link said the mistakes were apparently made in the calculations for two sub-basins that include Lakeview and nearby neighborhoods. In one, a minus sign was used instead of a plus sign.

Ivor van Heerden, a hurricane and levee expert with Louisiana State University, said the mistakes are the latest example of sloppiness and a lack of scientific peer review in Corps work.

"It's people's lives we're playing with and all we're getting is fuzzy science," van Heerden said.

Walter Baumy, a chief Corps engineer in New Orleans, said he was unfamiliar with the mistakes, but said, "I wouldn't contest what Dr. Link says."

the whole situation in new orleans is a sad one on many accounts. why can't they just recognize that the environmental (and social) issues there are larger than they have been and apparently are currently prepared to deal with??? and oh yea do this before more people die, lose their homes and all of their posessions...etc...

candidate

i woke up this am around 4:30, heart racing - heart pounding. today was the day. in exactly 4.5 hours i would be in the interrogation room. the committee 4 deep.

i imagined them in their 4 chairs all in a row. stairing at me. asking question after question.
how would i respond? would i freeze? would i screw up?
even worse - maybe what i thought i knew - was wrong.

after about an hour of tossing and turning i managed to sleep a little more. i knew rest was key the night before a big exam.

after the normal routine, i made my way into the lab. i figured being on campus early would soothe my nerves a bit.

at 20 of 9 i put in my headphones, cranked up some chill sean kingston and made my way over to my interrogation.

the room was on the second floor - a typical conference room. they all sat across from me and before i knew it the questioning began. it started with my research and background. then they have me draw various population growth curves and write out equations. i had done this a thousand times over in my head but had never factored in the intense nerve-induced shaking in my hands. talk about squiggly lines. i spelled out the equation as i wrote knowing my handwriting was close to illegible at that pount. they seemed satisfied and proceeded onto questions of growth models, island biogeography, competition, spatial data analysis / metrics, scale and project design issues.

most of the discussion surrounded my research and how various ecological principles and concepts would apply. there were a few questions i didn't know. there were some that were damn hard. and there were some that i was able to answer with much thought. before i knew it, i was asked to leave the room.

was that it?

that was it. shit. i hope i didn't really screw up. did i screw up?

i sat outside for what felt like hours - in reality was mere minutes. i reassured lawrence who was after me that he would be fine - told him to relax. and was soon called back into the room. i was sweating. shaking.

damn. this is it.

kat held the door for me and no sooner was i on the other side did she put her hand out and congratulate me.

HOLY SHIT I PASSED THIS THING. i'm on my way to get my phd in science.

partial disbelief and partial relief were mixed in with a plethora of other emotions.

they gave me a few course recommendations that would relate to my research area - namely stats which i had told them i wanted more of and conservation bio which i've always wanted to take. they commended me on my effort and off i went.

i couldn't believe it.

over. months of work and it's all behind me now.

i always knew that the phd process was intense - but never realized the intensity extent. and knowing that the candidacy is the big deal in ecology is comforting. now i know i can do this. i'm on my way to be a teacher. before i know it, it could just become a reality.

damn.

tears

around 2:15 my phone rang. i was at work thinking about the people in my study group taking the oral defense today - part 2/2 of the candidacy at the end of which you find out if you passed.

i answered it as i was sure it was good news - passed!

the response was less than cheerful and i soon realized tearful.

i went out to meet my friend to console - and we talked and talked until the waters had calmed a bit - all the while thinking...

oh crap. this could be me tomorrow.

we'll see how it goes. the eco candidacy exam is definitely no joke.
wish me luck. sounds like i'll need it.

chill

this morning i woke up with one goal in mind -

BIKE RIDE.

it's been a while. too long in fact. and i haven't wanted to risk getting sick so - i've waited and waited for a dry sunny day. the temperature was hovering around freezing as i pulled on layer - after layer. lined tights, thermal top, warm jersey, jacket, gloves booties... etc etc.

cold aside, it takes an additional 15 minutes just to get dressed before a ride in this weather!

the grass was a frosty pale green when i left my house - rockhopper in the back. rear view mirrors still frozen, but my ass was nice and toasty thanks to the subaru COLD WEATHER PACKAGE - heated seats are a must have!

yea i am spoiled and i enjoy it. deal.

i hit the forest and realized i was early. one never wants to be early when it means waiting in the cold for 10 minutes! so i pulled on the rest of my gear - and did loops around the parking lot until the other ladies arrived. through the trees from the lot, i saw two cyclists making their way up bear meadows road. after a year or running into mr roman in the forest i can recognize him from a mile away! eric and jordyn swung by to say hello and then we went our way and they theirs.

The ride was SLOW. first in over a month! while the climbs were great as my body pumped blood throughout keeping sensitive toes and fingers warm, the descents were brutal resulting in tingles of burn in my finger tips, toes and face...

my favorite part - the last climb up gettis. i love this climb as it has it all... rocks, wide enough area to pick a line, more rocks, switch backs and today, snow - yes snow! we were high enough to see it and it was beautiful! i'm used to tackling this on the cross bike so it was a refreshing change to be able to muscle over rocks without thinking too much about my ideal line.

we ran into sparky at the top on his single speed coast brake setup. it has a purple chain and bright green velocity rims (among other cool parts). i'm jealous.

a brisk descent down north meadows. by the time i made it to the bottom i was officially frozen - and apparently partially delirious.

i decided to see whether or not my bike could push its way through the gate at bear meadows road. my mind said "go around", but my frozen body said "no, you don't need to be that far away from the gate post."

handle bar made contact with the gate post and down i went - almost. a last minute grab of the gate saved my ass from completely planting on the rocks to my left.

now that's grace under pressure.
a ride to remember and many more cold ones to come. there is just something about winter.... that i think i love. or maybe it's just winter in the forest on my bike.

yea probably the latter.

tired

today was long. i woke up a little before 5am to drive to allentown to give a workshop on soils data with my boss. phew... wake up early, drive 3 hours (well ride) spend 6+ hours talking "shop" about soils then ride home another 3 hours... see how you feel at the end of the day.

a quick snack when i got home and off to the gym i went. sitting and talking for that long leaves a lot of pent up energy that can only be exerted at the gym.

i'm gearing up for part ii of the candidacy... dont wanna risk bombing so i'm playing it safe with the weather and not riding in the snow / rain or going out - much.

i miss my bike - commuting doesn't do it for me. i can't believe the end is here. and with it comes my life - back as it was... the gym, riding, hiking, going out...

and thanksgiving is just around the corner... spring and longer days will be here in no time... and back on the bike i go...

p i DONE

as the hour approached i became increasingly queezy. luckily i had a 3 hour conference session to partake in 9-noon before my 4 hour exam. the talk went well. it ended up being 50 minutes! i didn't realize i had so much to say about soil data.

i graciously took my custom embossed flashlight - complements of the PA Tax Assessors Association (woo hoo!), cranked up some tunes and mosied over to kern to eat and study. unfortunately, my stomach was not interested in food, although my mind knew that i wouldn't make it through 4 hours without it.

i arrived at the room early. and paced a bit outside in the sun before going on. computer setup, questions delivered...

a quick scan revealed MANY MANY FAMILIAR topics.

thank goodness. there is hope.

I started to type... at first the words were garbled, incoherent, and of poor sentence structure... but as time soothed the nerves it came easier... and easier...

i actually think i wrote too much.

about 2.5 hours into the session i realized i was getting HUNGRY, and tired. The m&ms that i had brought as a treat for lunch were calling me from my timbuk2 bag...

but i contemplated the repercussions of:
...wrestling with my bag, making a ton of noise looking for them, and
the exam proctor walking in at that precise moment with me digging through my bag...

hunger and fatigue can wait. it was just me and my water.

i finished early. so i reviewed my answers... and then again... and again... and then i sat and starred - waiting for 5:00 to hit so we could end this thing once and for all.

in short - it's OVER. what a relief. the oral comes next... but how bad can one hour be compared to four???

before the storm

it's the calm before the storm.

all day my heart has been racing. weird - almost as if i was preparing in anticipation for some huge swim meet. ive trained, i've tapered - kinda... and the event has come.

i don't know why it's such a big deal. but it is.

i want to do well. i want to prove to myself that i can succeed in science.

this week has been filled with pep talks from friends and colleagues. reviewing... and work.

and now the calm before the storm. i know i'll be nervous at lunch tomorrow - contemplating the 1pm start. and i know i'll be brain dead and relieved at the 5pm finish.

i'm excited because i'm ready to be done.
i'm excited because i feel as if i've gained a whole new grasp on this field which i've come to love so much.
i'm excited because i've learned SO DAMN much about things i've always wanted to understand but never taken the time to investigate.
and i'm excited because if i get through this - it's one step closer to what i really want to do with my life....

when i grow up.
one last review of things and i'm going to bed - EARLY.