enjoy the view.
up we go.
H. virginiana in bloom - genus: spectacular spp.
at the top p ii - the second ridge we traversed on this fine day.
picturesque.
the beautiful- weighted clouds in full form.
the descent. water's returned.yesterday pam and i decided to take the dogs hiking. being a football game weekend, we decided to start at Shingletown Gap to avoid the 322 football exodus madness.
the expectation was a quiet walk in the woods - with few people in sight. the reality was way more people that expected.
Not too far up the trail two huskies come flying at us trailed by a couple. pam had her dog on leash and tried to keep her away from the dogs as she doesn't always get along with dogs on leash. chaya was right by my side. the dog starts wit
h aidia and then moves on to poor chaya...
snarl!
i hear it - and yell "woah, back off". the owner tries to grab the dog, chaya squeals and tries to hide behind pam.
the man reprimands his dog and the couple attempts to round them up. pam tells them
"you know you guys really should have better control of your dogs if they're going to be off leash"no she didn't.
and all i heard was a chipmunk version "fuck off".
"um lady, your dog bit my dog"i generally avoid confrontation but - you don't mess with my dog. call it maternal instinct. i lost my cool. out of my mouth came every 4 letter insult that i could put together.
"dogs play" she retorted. since shingletown gap is Obviously a dog park!
The gym is my time. It is the one place, in this world, where i can find absolute peace, solice, silence... it's just me and my mp3 player... my torn up bike gloves.... and water bottle.
the past few months though have been devoid of gym time. i decided that it was either - ride bikes - lift - or swim. given my anti-social tendencies i decided sticking with group rides was a healthy choice.
and it was.
so now, with the days cooling, the winds picking up and just a few days left before the big exam, i'm thinking it's time to get back to the gym.
yesterday was the first time i'd lifted in a WHILE. i had a long day at work and just was feeling like crap. i knew working out would make everything better. after a good 40 minutes of cardio, i hit the free weights.
apparently though, riding bikes and holding up 1000 page bio books do not constitute upper body workouts. i kinda felt like this lady to the right looks - all flab - no fab.
given the rather humbling experience of starting with 15 pound dumb bells for bench press - YIKES - and maxing out at 20... still YIKES... i realized that i had a lot of work to do before i could look like this chic (see right). look at her military press impeccable form.
oh yea baby. hah!
ouch.
i focused on core - which... cough
ouch.
felt great at the time but hurts to laugh today.
it's ok cause i'm on my way from
FLAB to FAB. then i can be cool like this guy (see right). although he's way too into his hair. that or he is a fresh prince 80's wanna be.
you decide.
it was just another day...
i went into work after scrambling last night to make sure my boss had what he needed from me to attended a meeting down in the 'burg - hburg that is... with the guys and gals who provide support in the form of soft money (grants) that feed our little program - and indirectly, my little furry girl chaya.
i went in today figuring the boss would be gone and i could focus on a few projects in peace, go to class, meet my girl NIC for a quick coffee break, and then return to focused work.
this didn't happen, within a few moments of arriving, my boss came down and asked me to attend the meeting with him and another coworker.
ok. but i was hardly dressed for the occasion looking more like an undergrad wage-payroll.
i ran home - well drove actually seeing as it was raining out... changed ... ran back only to be met by a few more tasks that needed to be done before we left and multiple phone calls about varying issues such as...
the server is down.
talk about fine timing! the best part was being on the phone discussing the server and having another call come in and put on hold for me - all the while my boss and coworker are pacing in the lab - ready to leave.
it's all in a day's work i guess! and today was just one of those days.
in the end, it was cool to see how the whole process works. grants, proposals - the logistical and bureaucratic world of funded projects is a world that i've managed to avoid for the most part for a few years now... it's time to learn. i came home wiped out - in the rain so there was no time on the rockhopper for me and chaya... and hit the books...
another night of the usual... following just another day.
there was a time when all was copasetic in the world of bicycle tires. they would inflate to a cool 116-118 PSI at will using an readily available Park Professional model floor pump.
i remember those times well. life was good.
then, one day said pump went away, leaving behind an old Trek floor pump - you know the kind that you have to unscrew in order to switch from presta to schraeder? yea - we didn't get along so well.
so i decided to upgrade. i wanted to support the local shops so i walked in and asked for a recommendation. i came home with a wrench force floor pump - all shiny and new - with a dual head nozzle that reminded me of my former friend, park.
but looks can be deceiving...
a few weeks ago i was putting air in the serotta b4 a ride. i heard an unfamiliar whistle and couldn't figure out what it was. but this tire was refusing to inflate. i went to get in my car to take it to the shop and my car wouldn't start.
awesome.
i finally got myself over and it turns out i had ripped the valve off of the 
tube (a slight rip but enough to ruin it). great. i also brought the pump. it was obvious that the pump stuck as both shop owners fought with it for a bit. they put a little grease on the puppy (the pump head, not my dog), fixed the flat and off i went to ride in peace.
so the other day i get up for a morning ride. i am a bit tense as i only have a short time to ride - seeing as studying is a high priority these days. front tire - air - done. rear tire... i go to inflate and ... the familiar hiss...
i have no idea what i did - but crap i knew i had busted the valve off of the tube - YET AGAIN. i was running short on time as i wanted to catch the group and so i quickly switched out the tube with a fresh one... now this fresh tube had a smooth valve - missing the RIDGES that you see on the valve to the right...
as i began to pump up the tire, the pump head proceeded to fly off! this happened many times over.
awesome.
each time the tire reached any sort of pressure, the pump head would go flying off of the valve (in a locked position) releasing any air that i had successfully forced into the tire.
while this image of me fighting with my pump may have been well-suited to inspire laughter via a youTube video, at that given moment, there was nothing comical about said situation. i was nothing short of pissed. chaya hid in the corner wondering why mom was swearing at inanimate objects.
great.
time was quickly passing and i was officially late.
i placed the pump head onto the valve and held it with my left hand - pumping with my right. pumping up a road tire with one hand is no easy feat at 8am when you haven't eaten, drank anything and are grumpy as hell.
i managed to get close to 110 PSI - and i gave up. after all it was only the read tire and i could hopefully convince one of the boys to help me out if i got ANOTHER FL
AT on the way there.
when i finally made it to the shop, i spoke with frank about my pump situation since had had mediated things last time. i purchased a new gromit and on i went - apparently these things wear out after extended use. later in the day i decided to tackle both fixing the pump and that annoying squeak coming from the back of the bike...i looked at the gromit - then the pump.
gromit - pump. i couldn't figure out how that round thing was ever going to fit over the much smaller presta portion of my pump.
wrong part!
to make a long story - short..(er)...
a new part had to be ordered...
and i'm still missing my beloved park professional floor pump.
i'm convinced that if i added up all of the accumulated tubes ammased due to this other pump, i would find i had already purchased a better, more-l-friendly pump.
so needless to say, yet another pump may be joining the household in the not so distance future. this old(ish) one blows.
it's that time of the year... the air is cooler, the nights crisp, the rides are shorter.
i went to the weekly 9am shop ride saturday. i figured 
it had been a while since i actually road with a group! :) it was an amazing thing to have a a group of 8 people - willing to venture out on a rather windy, but not too cool day. it was the first time i'd ridden with paul in AGES... first time i'd seen ben in even longer and glover and harry were both there too.
we set out for a 50 or so miler, all flat... and i instantly remember why the wind and i don't get along. i was at the front pulling next to glover... and i just couldn't hang. as hard as i tried, and tried, to keep pace, within a few miles i had over exerted myself and i cracked falling off of the back. ouch. ho - aka cowboy dropped back to pull me into the group... phew.
recovery was quick and i made my way back... but it was just 
one of those days where - the wind - got the better of me. i think after a while, we all got a little tired of fighting the wind - or perhaps it died down some...
needless to say it was a slow ride - filled with some great debate about the new WRXs (PANSY). the nice thing about glover is when he's not kicking ass in the paceline he's talking about cars. and which ones can fit his entire family... nice.
yesterday i tackled BLACK mo. it HURT. i am out of shape. and as much as i love climbing - my legs were not having it. i guess sitting on your ass studying hours at a time doesn't do much for your qua
ds and hamstrings. nor does riding the day before in the wind.
The weekend was topped of with a walk in the woods with chaya, luna & t-bone aka devil dog. and then a night of watching the steelers get their @ss handed to them by the broncos - guess they were missing the porter "they shot me in the @ss in Denver" inspiration.
and it came... the break down.
late last night i was studying and... in came
duh duh duh....the practice exam. complements of the "upper classmen"- aka those who have already passed this damn test that is now only 2 weeks away.
i took a quick look. question 1... ok... question 2... ok.
then i got to a group of 3 questions created by a woman whome i studied with 2 years ago as practice to initiate myself into a foreign field.
OH CRAP.
my fear was realized. topics that i didn't know.. scientists i did know - topics i didn't. the paradox of what? the cycle of what? huh? oh geez. i know parts of the questions, but not the specific topic in its entirety.
the heart began to race and i closed the email.
back to the books i went... i think somewhere around 2 or so (AM) i realized i should go to sleep as my eyes were glazing over and my brain feeling saturated. tomorrow was another day.
today was my day off to focus on school. i set my alarm and woke up this am motivated to read read read.
crap.
while the extreme panic has subsided somewhat i'm still wondering why i'm doing this. and why i'm also making such a big deal out of a test that i may or may not pass. why i'm letting my insecurities surrounding my base in science as a discipline and surrounding my own intelligence and ability to surmount obstacles, get in the way.
after all it's just a test.
To make up for my last post which was negative and down as i was feeling yesterday and today, i thought I would write about some good things which brightened my day in the past few hours. I was sitting in my lab - working away. it was nearing 5 and i was contemplating leaving, when i got an unexpected surprise visit from a dear friend who i used to work with... ms pamela and her crazy pooch had made me a study care package - full of all of the necessities that I will absolutely require to make it through the next few weeks...
please note the carefully crafted bag - made, i presume by her niece and nephew. the card above of course is just so perfect.
Take careful note of the items included in this package. the sticky notes which i have already begun to spread around my lab... these will inevitably end up on the doors / desks / chairs of many of my unsuspecting colleagues and friends. an ample supply of gummy candy - which in my world may last a day or two but is without a doubt, a necessity. :) scented candles, and of course, last but not least - the princess crown... i was pretty stoked about the crown. i mean i've always wanted one and my wish has come true.
i'm a princess.
so i put it one and wore it around the lab. a friend from my study group came in with some GIS questions - she was taken aback but proceeded with her questions - with a straight face. Better yet was when i walked - through the lobby and across the hall to the computer lab where she was working to help her out with her lab - wearing my crown ofcourse.
awesome. i contemplating attending the ecology grad student meeting wearing it - or wearing on my bike ride home... however i didn't make it to the meeting and decided it wouldn't make the ride home in one piece.
and then there's none other than... my ridiculous dog. always good for a laugh - at her expense of course.
the end... thanks for all of the words of support and encouragement!! means a lot and really brightened my day :).
why is it that you never realize that something is a mistake until it's over and thus too late?
when removed from a long-term relationship, life changes.
quickly.
first, there is relief - to a degree. if things were bad and you were hurting each other, there can be a sense of liberation that comes from not having to fight it out, one more day. then comes, serious withdrawal - this is where you have to relearn how to do everything that you used to share with someone else - even if just verbally - alone.
How to experience and deal with a bad day - on your own.
How to celebrate and be excited about something really cool - on your own.
How to cook dinner for 1.
How to come home to an empty house.
How to wake up, and go to bed alone - day in and day out.
the withdrawal can be rough - but i think rougher yet is dealing with moving on and attempting to "get out there again" and test out other people.
why? because for one, you're just getting acclimated to doing it all solo... and fresh in your mind is how hard this transition was. and two, you don't want to experience the pain that you endured - ever.
but back to the mistake... sometimes you try something out that you're not sure about, but you figure that it could be right. and shit hits the fan.
breaking up with someone can be hard. you don't want to hurt their feelings. and normally you hope that you can still really be friends. atleast i hope that. but sometimes breaking up can be blown out of proportion - with the other person reacting in a way that makes you wonder
if
a. they are truly crazy
b. perhaps you really hurt them and they are lashing out releasing craziness
c. maybe you screwed up
i keep going through a conversation that i had with someone months ago... where i simply stated "can we just be friends? i can't really be in a relationship right now." seemed like a simple, clean and straight forward way to end things.
this conversation lasted well over an hour and at the end, i thought things were OK.
out of the blue, weeks and weeks AND WEEKS later, comes the ranting email - apparently i was going back and changing old blogs to "target" and "make said friend feel guilty".
i was blown away as
1. i never changed an old blog - why bother? lame.
2. i couldn't understand how he thought i was writing about him when in my mind what i was writing was in no way related to him.
i came to a realization - apparently he truly believed that everything that i wrote was about him. that he was the only relationship that i had ever had. when to me, the relationship was so short and devoid of true, strong connection, that it hardly compared to others that i had experienced through the course of my life. and to me, when he discussed the idea of being a girlfriend - i made it clear that i wasn't there or ready for that. it wasn't at that level.
accusatory emails can be hurtful. especially when you tell the accuser that you didn't "mean that" and "didn't do that" and they tell you you're wrong! And then comes the gossip...
where they tell their friends what a terrible person you are.
apparently in this case, an HOUR+ long phone conversation that, only occurred because they were supposed to see each other that day and illness prevented the meeting, turned into them being "DUMPED over email".
i keep wracking my brain - trying to figure out where all of this is coming from as in my world - which i'd like to consider reality, is fiction.
the most upsetting and disturbing part of this scenario is knowing that there are a contingent of people in this town where i live, who are close to said accuser, that believe his stories. and thus think of me in bad light.
i had a long talk tonight with one of my true close friends that somewhat calmed me down. i know i shouldn't worry so much about what other people think. and i know that this is especially true of younger people who perhaps lack life's experiences as i've had. but still i don't like to think that opinions are being formed based on false information.
and i'm still trying to figure out where i went wrong - to make him so angry. and what i could have done different to prevent this situation from occurring in the first place.
who knows i guess. all i know is that it's upsetting. and it's all false blown out of proportion & made up drama. and i have to suck it up and focus on what and who is real around me - wearing blinders to all of the other crap. and i guess in the end you need to experience and deal with these mistakes; in this case the mistake was ever initiating anything with this person. and learn to pick more carefully.
ok i think i'm done venting for tonight. people are frustrating.
it has almost become the norm - rushing last minute to complete a (fill in the blank)...
- presentation
- paper
- project
- .... you get the idea
the norm today was an hour and a half conference presentation that my boss and i started - last night of course!
woo hoo!
it was a topic that i've put a bit of work into in the past - and a powerpoint was prepared, by me of course. the plan: i steer the computer, he does all of the talking. i'm fried these days so unless it involves ecology, i'm more than happy to sit back and click away.
if this had been a long time ago i might have panicked - a talk - a long one at that - in front of professionals. but now... i was calm. i just did what i could and we made our way down to the conference room.
i focused the entire time -this was in part a live demo, i had to keep up with what he was saying- and try to anticipate which one of the many, many, many datasets were we using, - what would he would want to bring up and manipulate next?
it's all in a day's work i guess... and with this i feel i've earned an early day home. the day started early enough to allow 8 hours to pass... and chaya made a special request to chase me around on the rockhopper tonight (i'd be on the rockhopper of course - she has yet to learn how to ride a bike)...
is it really the 16th? is it really that close to my exam? hard to believe so much time has past...and the weird thing is that i'm almost looking forward to it as then it will be done and behind me....
phew...
so i have this ... e-hem... friend.
she's not so bright.
she is in the middle of studying for a huge exam - something to do with a phd - who knows what that is all about.
Anyway, this... friend, has a setup in her living room where all of her papers - notes from past courses, new notes, books upon books, are spread out across a full sized couch and adjacent oversized chair and leg rest. it's one big "l" of papers.
the other night, she was studying late - as always... the next evening, after work, she plopped down in her usual spot - to study some more. she noticed next to her lay a highlighter.
an orange highlighter.
to her dismay, she realized the cap was off and the tip had made contact with the fabric of the couch... osmosis at work.
perhaps there were notes on the couch that needed recognition. perhaps the middle portion of the couch itself was feeling bland and in need of highlights. but... crap.
in short, there was a lovely bright orange stain on her super cool, soft micro-fiber brown couch.
DEAD CENTER.
she tried and tried to remove the stain - to soak up the ink with water and seltzer.... but alas, much ink was pulled from the fabric yet...the stain persists.
so now what? a friend suggests rubbing alcohol as a possible remedy. however she has read this may (or may not) discolor said couch.
should she try it?
let me know so i can pass it on to my friend. and oh yea, if anyone has an orange highlighter to spare, mine mysteriously dried out.
thanks.
i turned the tv on tonight to destress... vh1 is showing a hip hop honors show, paying tribute to all sorts of old school 80's, and 90's hip hop. wreckx-n-effx, new jack city, eric b and rakim... played by neyo (that boy can dance), nelly, krs-one and others... if you can zone out the entourage of advertisements in between each 2 minute set....its actually an awesome show.
living in such a small town, the internet is my only connection to any sort of good music. no clubs, no radio stations... i wonder, watching this, how much of the audience really knows and appreciates true -- old school - and early 90's flavor. the dancing...and what the future of hip hop will be, when it becomes a fad of the past like electronic, burried with the britney spears and all the other pop one or a few hit wonders...
it will be interesting to see if in 20 years, 50 cent is the kiss of yesterday. with my kids or my friends' kids listening to what's new and cool, while mom and dad rocking out to the "oldies" - you know like nas, tribe or mobb deep.
the oldies featuring 50 cent...what a thought.
if you haven't already figured it out, the one thing about this town that i absolutely love, adore, value more than anything else is the forest. and one of my favorite times of the year to explore the woods is the fall, when the temperatures cool, the leaves change and slowly drop and the air is crisp with that slight and ever so perfect breeze. today, i decided to do something different and hike with a group - of the human variety as opposed to canine. we headed out to allen seeger at about 11 - made our way out 26 in search of the paved road that makes it way back to the natural area parking lot. it was strange on many counts - one driving to the forest on roads (and not fire roads) 2 - driving in the forest (not being on a bike!).
for many different reasons, we never quite made it to seeger, but we did make our way up boal gap road to hit the mid state, down little flat to north meadows and then bear meadows and back.. this was one stretch of the mid state that i hadn't done - the rocks that make rothrock. where hiking shoes go to die... on the way we passed a cyclist - on foot. it seems like no trip to the woods these days is complete without seeing someone that either is - or usually is on a bike.
it was a warm day and chaya drank up both of my water bottles. seems like it's time to invest in a pack that also carries extra water for ME.
on the way home i had calls from ruk and luna about dinner... what the hell - i figure if you've already spent an entire day not studying - what's a few more hours? this was a perfect excuse to not study a little longer. we ate, got ice cream at DQ and watched the ducks and trout fight over fish food as the sun was setting over spring creek. it was a beautiful way to end a perfect day. home i went to a tired pooch and my ever growing pile of books. i even managed to get a good 3+ hours of studying done. i guess that's acceptable for a leisurely sunday.
damn - not again. this one is beyond belief. is there such a thing as a clean athlete to look up to these days?
better yet - here are a few others. I love the effort put into the research -- runner, runner, runner - cyclist who's been in cnn headlines for months - runner. guilt is not to be found in other sports - really.
the doctor's office can be the most daunting place in the world. cold, dismal. the waiting - minutes feel like hours. all the equipment surrounding is less than comforting... which ones do what you wonder. i sat and sat, anxiety rising waiting to be done with what i had been worrying about for over a month. there are some times when the thought of anesthesia isn't all that bad. to kill the anxiety atleast.
... in the aftermath i walked out with entire body tension, knotted stomach, nausea, spinning head, shaky hands, legs tired from being tense for the duration. i pushed the clutch down in my subi and realized my legs were still quivering - all from my own anxiety of course. i guess this is fairly common as the nurse confirmed "you're not going to pass out are you?"before i left the office. apparently many people pass out.
it's over and now i don't have to anticipate it - just wait for hopefully encouraging results. now i can study with a clear mind.
ironically, while this was all going on, i was being called from work... guess what - the server crashed and apparently the other person who should be able to fix things couldn't get it to restart. unbeknownst to me, i am now a server expert. i texted my boss before i went in - ummmm... i'm kinda preoccupied right now but i'll drop by the lab when i'm done if i can.
lightheaded and nauseous, i avoided as much communication as possible with colleagues, coerced the server to reboot and homeward i went to recover. i finished off the day with a trip to the vets office. poor chaya is now on a diet, the little porker has gained close to 5 pounds!! poor girl.
she also has a plaque problem and needs to start flossing. i told her this but i'm not sure how receptive she was.
i guess i'll have to start brushing my dog's teeth. weird.
there are worse things i guess - and worse days. and now i have nothing to worry about other than this impending exam. so i'm back to - bring it on...
seems like the past few weeks have been an emotional roller coaster - dealing with so much. the past has crept up in a few different ways - ugly and nasty with realized ties that needed to be cut - to the unexpected bringing with it resolution in part.
days are getting shorter and opportunities to ride decreasing. back to the pool and gym i go.
injury and energy have limited activity. soon enough though it will all heal and return.
on a happier note, my computer has become part bovine - the root being what i think is a dying power supply fan - but who knows. i never knew a desktop could moo. at some point i guess i'll take it apart and see what it's whining about.
and on that note, i think a little more studying - and then sleep calls...
it's been too long...
long course
warm chlorinated h20
open sky with the sun setting
and tired tired arms.
familiar cramped calves. damn.
slow as hell but still in the water...
it's all good.
this past spring my friend's gf suggested that i read a new book. in short it's the "army guide to being a boyfriend" book all about how a guy could be the best boyfriend he could be - an insight into the female psyche yet also designed to evoke laughter and "that's so true!" from the ladies.
while the contents of the book are in part amusing, in part more true for most guys i've met and in part off the wall, there was one chapter in particular that struck me as being true - for both sexes. it's called:
keepin' crazy in the bag.the bottom line - just in case you don't feel like reading on is that i'm convinced dating is one large social experiment controlled by the crazy gene.
ladies and gentlemen - crazy has left the bagcrazy reveals the ugliest under belly that we all try to hide. the ego. the disrespectful pride. the vain. the hurtful. the arrogance the most unfortunate part about this crazy gene that we all have is... while the person letting lose is upset - they are, in turn, invoking in the other party an unintentional (perhaps, but hopefully not intentional) emotional roller coaster. don't get drawn into a losers battle. the problem remains that they do not realize this as --
they're stuck in a state of acute delirium! aka - crazy is captain and the ship is going down.crazy can be immediate or it can take time to bust out. sometimes weeks or even months after an interaction has occurred, the grave is plundered, deceased issues dug up. perhaps to dispel repressed anger. or perhaps in some desperate attempt to regain communication. why bother?
Dating is thus one large social experiment controlled via natural selection by way of the crazy allele.The beauty of it all is that the digital age brings with it unique opportunities to control, mediate and mitigate potential negative feedback caused by someone else's loosely tied crazy bag. click, click, click - done. the sad part is that we all endure both sides of the crazy fence at given points in our lives be it giving or receiving and through these interactions friends are lost.
scotia rides in the past week have been quite eventful.
while a mr. roman sighting is all to be expected in the woods...
a GIANT FLOCK OF FRIGGIN turkeys... not so much.
it is the season but imagine...
riding through a grassy meadow and seeing them from afar...
frolicking, feathers blowing in the wind, chest out - strutting their stuff - 20 or so deep. thank goodness for us, i don't think they were packing.
from afar we made eye contact... it was just us - 2 kick ass cyclist-chicks on our specialized rides - and them.
one look and they were off - into and through the woods to the old rail road bed where we were inevitably going to pop out. they were up to something and we knew it.
down the trail we went - and in the distance, across the trail went they. they started to run.
we continued to ride... 10 or so dispersed into the dense woods... the rest bolted up the trail. one by one they peeled off... but we continued on - and they continued upping their pace in front of us down the wide open trail. and then there were 5... 4... 3... 2...1.... and none. they all disappeared into the woods and just like that they were gone.
on the way home the two specialized rides went their separate ways... i ventured down the bike path ... while cruising down through a wooded tract, a squirrel came out of no where - across the path, i slowed, then back towards me and right in front of my wheel - he about-faced!
SCREEEECH. i have to say that i've never "burned rubber" on my bike before - this was a first. it actually made noise. and OMG his tail was SO CLOSE to my front tire.
thank goodness... off he went into the woods and off i went. close call.
i guess it was just one of those days in the woods - where all of the animals come out to play.
it's hard to believe that another month has flown by. the days are getting progressively shorter, cooler, the nights sometimes frigid.
from time to time i contemplate another layer of warmth on my bed - but then remind myself of the many, many degrees that will inevitably be lost. acclimation is a key survival technique.
friday i hit the cross bike with g-dogg aka lunatic. i felt like crap but not as crappy as i had felt throughout the week so i figured it'd be ok. e came flying past us up bear meadows road on his cross bike - and flying the other direction down north meadows as we ascended. it felt LONG... on the way home, came wind, then thunder, then rain. i was miserable and MOODY. then came the 10 degree temperature drop. conclusion: short sleeves and spandex are not suited for 50+ degree rainy weather while confronting winds. we made it home but took a short cut up laurel run road which is a surprisingly chill climb on the back side. and just in time for the sun to come back out and shine shine away!
jess and i hit the trails today in scotia. It's now closed off due to hunting which is so so sad as it's my favorite place to go. my mental state has been bad lately due to stress-induced fatigue so my courage and skill on the mtn bike has seriously digressed. however it was fun none-the less -- and of course who did we run into??? e on his CROSS BIKE.
the steelers slipped today and lost to the cardinals!! of all teams - come on boys - shape up. holmes is rockin it but big ben threw the standard sub-1 minute, under pressure pick at the end - and his boys weren't keeping him safe - sack - sack - sack... favre tore it up today with his newbie team - breaking another record and throwing an impressively perfect TD pass that even made chaya lick her chops.
this week will be a tough one for many reasons. probably one of the toughest in a long time so i look forward to getting through it. it started off already with a lovely bang - digital smack in the face - so i figure it will only get better from here.
life is a funny animal sometimes... i think though i'm up to date on all my vaccinations so i should be good.
the past two years has included tumultuous ups and downs.
i've learned to let go of the past.
i've learned how to start all over.
i've learned that there are some really special people in my life right now -- who have been really good to me during some intense times.
within a short period of time
i've made new amazing friends. and made and lost others. and realized that the ones who are still around - they are the ones who matter.
i've experienced both sides of the spectrum - neither of which were suiting - from refusal to open up, never saying enough - to saying too much, too soon and opening up my life to others before given the chance to open it up myself.
i've learned that i can be my own rock - as cliche as that sounds. and that it's ok to let some strangers in.
i've learned that laughter trumps stability, familiarity, comfort and likeness - any time of the day. that imperfection can be perfect. and that is the one i seek.
i've learned that sometimes never isn't truth. and that anger and pain can perhaps be resolved - if given enough time.
this resolution can bring the greatest comfort. knowing many years were not in vain.
so much learned -- about myself -- about them all - about those few.
sometimes i forget to slow down and reflect. and appreciate what i have - right here, right now. in the end, it's all that matters.
my favorite noise to awaken to at 3am is
gag
gag
gag... lick lick lick lick
you know, that hollow gag noise that only a dog can make who's eaten something that doesn't sit quite right in their tummy. gag, gag, lick lick lick as they attempt to keep what is inevitably coming up down. lick the carpet, lick the walls... whine... gag some more.
if you're lucky, it all comes out at once - over and done with. if you're not, the gagging, whining and licking continues on until you have lovely brown spots all over your nice, white carpet. upstairs and down. big and small.
i guess it's my lucky night.
funny enough she barely left my sight today. i have no idea what she could have consumed.
45 minutes later, she's beginning to settle down. the gagging rate is decreasing steadily and the panting / whining has ended.
the brown spots, however, remain - for my cleaning pleasure in the am - oh wait, it is the am. crap.
maybe i can salvage a few more hours sleep... it's gonna be a LONG DAY.
the descriptor that sums up today is fried.
first, 8 hours spent digging through digital soils databases trying to make sense and then explain clearly in writing. fun with fuzzy logic and database relationships... then 2.5 hours of intense study group discussion with a modeling / population eco focus.
this all following up studying until about 11:30pm sunday night and a good part of the morning. i'm totally
and completely
fried
spent
done.
the weather in state college has been incredible. the tomatoes are still in full form and i'm continually harvesting bags to eat and cook with. YUM! the sun is shining the the breeze is just right...
After yet another eco-nerd night in studying, i woke up first thing Saturday for a chill ladies ride. my new posse comes with husbands and children so fitting in rides can be tricky. we left a little after 9 to make our way up and over Pine Grove Mountain and down to Alexandria. Pine grove is the greatest climb as its grade is consistently mellow allowing a consistent pace all the way up to the top. we could not have picked a better day to do this ride. the soy fields were so green, the sky was so blue and the road was clear of traffic and obnoxious drivers.
i haven't had the opportunity to get in many miles lately - so this 60+ trip was the longest i'd gone in a few weeks. boy did it feel GOOD although my new saddle wore on me towards the end.
post ride and recovery i snuck in a little studying and was then coerced out to kirkstock to hang with friends in the woods and listen to music. i left the phone and books at home and ventured out with the girls. it was weird arriving at a place where i'm normally on my cross bike! and it was so incredibly dark.
after a full night's sleep i woke up sunday completely refreshed and ready to hit the books again.. a few hours of focused study and then i saddled up to hit the trails for some QT with the rockhopper. it's been WAY too long and it was again - nothing less than perfect. i made it home just in time to watch the last quarter where my boys whooped the 9ers including a sweet sub 2min 4th quarter touchdown by davenport. oh yea!!! 3-0 baby!
then back to the books... what else is new?
and so comes yet another week... bring it on.
...is the most perfect day.
perfect bike ride.
perfect weather.
perfectly behaved brown canine.
the end.
i'm notorious for taking on too much. u want to do things, and know that you can do them efficiently, but forget that time to yourself and time with friends maintains sanity and composure.
the hardest part about taking on a lot is having to let go of things you truly enjoy doing. having to continually back out of going out, getting together, riding, etc because you know if you do those things, you'll slip and fall behind.
i feel like i need to send out a blanket apology to my friends that would go something like this...
i'm sorry for ...-- insert proper verb here - such as backing out, not returning your call, not calling, etc etc--..., and while we're at it this apology encompasses and extends through mid november at which point ou're obligated to come out and celebrate with me as exam hell will have passed.Then again, i'd like to think my real friends know that i still care even if i've been somewhat of a self-absorbed and mildly book-obsessed friend for the past few weeks.
today started with a chilly morning ride. 2 hours in the saddle in 40-some degree weather. at the end my feet were completely frozen and i was exhausted. and the ride wasn't even hard. the shifting is finally working on my bike and lo and behold i have a big chain ring again!!! woo hoo! maybe i'll learn how to fix my bikes after all...
today though was long. a long and frustrating afternoon meeting reminded me of why working with people can be difficult. there are all of the usual feelings - frustration, anger... i know to walk away and remove myself from the situation. but the aftermath is hard to deal with. you want to discount people altogether but in the end you need to work with them. so how do you let your emotions go and maintain productivity?
its hard. and exhausting.
...the day dragged on and brought me home late to make dinner and begin studying.
so the fascinating animal of the day is the camel. Did you know that the camel...
it's time to turn things around... highlights of this weekend included some great riding, a super chill but challenging 4 hour hike including straight up the ridge to some gnarly rocky sections of the mid state. home made cosmopolitans ala nic's bf. concentrated studying. the low lights included mssing my boys in black and gold play sunday but ofcourse i'll take a hike over sitting in front of the tv any day.
last night i decided to tackle the cable and housing on my bike. it's been sticky lately and i've wanted to fix it. the garage workshop is finally setup and it's super sweet as is my new bike stand which makes life so much easier. it took me a while as i wanted to make sure i did things right but... it all worked and went together perfectly.
the shifting was a bit off at first but after a quick suggestion from the freeze thaw boys, i think i may have fixed it. i'll know for sure tomorrow if it starts jumping on the climbs.
i'm proud!! it was my first bike repair job that was actually quite successful.
next up are the brakes on the cross bike and cleaning my rims which i didn't know how to do properly until today.
working on bikes is the next best study break to riding bikes. there's a sense of accomplishment but alas there is something relaxing about some good tunes and a little grease...
so the fascinating animal of the day is the camel. Did you know that the camel's poop is so dry that it can be used to fuel fires? its not as cool as the lungfish but...
ah yes, the things you learn when studying physiology...
and on that note, sleep calls...
the theme for today is lungs...
Daily trivia: name that fish
it walks. it breaths AIR. and it can hibernate (well aestivate) for up to 5 years ON LAND (Well kinda)... and it can be really really big.
it's the lungfish. how cool is that?
lung story number two deals with asthma, cold weather, and CLIMBING. cecilia and i decided to tackle some hills today. the weather was ominous with sprinkles of rain and gnarly wind so we did a shortened black mo route cutting out rattlesnake and extending out to meeks lane and home. we were tempted to take a dirt road she had heard about that cut off some of rattlesnake but were unsure of how solid / packed it would be and i wasn't sure where it was.
on the way, i was reminded why an inhaler is a good thing to have - when it gets cold. tight lungs = limited O2 intake. fun fun. also fun was large semi's blasting past us on 220. yes, it was my hair brained id to take that route... don't ask the girl that can't think beyond the difference between anova and ancova, counter-current exchange mechanisms and global warming to coherently pick a suitable and safe route...
studying is taking a turn for the better. while i'm still holed up on my couch, it's like ...
i'm actually learning something.
go figure. funny how that works. confidence is on the rise as is the number of books among my spread of study materials in the living room.
fun fun. and on that note - back to the books.
these words were once written...
I'll always be your friend because I dont know if anyone has the ability to connect on our level.such strong words - but not followed through. i sometimes wonder if there was any truth to them. is there just one? are there many out there? there are so many million people out there... is it shallow to think that only one is really right? and is it true that they'll really, always be my friend -- no matter what?
sleepless nights have plagued me as of late. it's a combination of many things on my mind, most of which involve study, family and life. today it took its toll as i woke up feeling completely devoid of energy.
lucky enough i was able to take a day off from work, study at home and even squeeze in a nap and a walk with chaya. what a difference that made as my head has stopped spinning, i'm feeling more coherent and finally able to focus again.
i've spent time wondering where i'll end up. school and work have always been such a focus however, i'm slowly realizing that the material rewards, goals & promotions achieved, degrees earned and so on that both provide still don't fill certain voids that are seemingly paramount to true happiness and fulfillment. it's taken so long to figure this out; now it's time to wonder...
is it too late?
only time will tell.
it's that time of the year. brisk nights bring the best nights' sleep - windows open, fresh air, wrapped up in blankets. even chaya takes to curling up to conserve heat. my favorite nights are those when i know i can sleep in the next day. there's nothing like waking up relaxed, and cool.
but brisk nights being brisk mornings and bike rides in 40 degree wind. it's been a while, but the arm and leg warmers came out today. 2+ hours later and my feat were tingling, toes bright red and walking hurt for the first 15 minutes as i made my way to the shower in my building. sadly enough it wasn't really that cold. my feet just never seem to warm up once they chill on the bike. i must have inherited the wimpy-feet gene.
but it was damn worth it as i needed the time to clear my head and mush of a brain. i may have reached a temporary over saturation this week. it's ok though as there's always tomorrow.
alex died. how sad
i've been reading about him for years. african greys are, without a doubt, one of the coolest birds. RIP buddy.
There are times, when it seems like everything is swollen.
that there is something that they ask that i know nothing about.it could happen. then again, i could also get run over by a yellow school bus on my way to work tomorrow morning. those school bus drivers are the worst!
While I am a generally positive person, there are times when I feel the acute desire and /or need to bitch about life's little annoyances, many of which stem from interactions with people.
Today's gripes are listed below in the form of people who...
It is all too easy to get frustrated with small town life. Sometimes, the people, the small town cliques, limited nightlife, et al become monotonous, incestuous, tiresome.
However, there is one thing that makes this small town stand out. the forest. its trails and fire roads are endless. and as you roll over the packed gravel pavement, you leave the reality of work, education, obligations, regulations and drama, and enter a peaceful, beautiful calm.
Three days in a row of amazing rides - topped off by a long, challenging, fire road exploration on the cross bike. Turns out rocky upper gettis it a bitch when your legs are giving out on a cross bike. burn all the way!
Today we took the dogs up to the ridge. We started up kettle - which was MUCH MORE PLEASANT to climb than the other side of kettle.
The top of the ridge is an AMAZING PLACE. i'd only heard about this side of the forest but had never explored.
Fueled by the forest, fire takes the old and rejuvenates with new. Lifeless vertical remnants creating visually stunning vertical walls along the high bush blue berry and mtn laurel lined trail.
There were two hawks out today searching for food & drifting in the wind.
The gas line, supporting an open meadow of ferns, queen anne's lace and other wildflowers.
Someone built a small rocky obstacle along-side the trail - would love to see someone ride that someday.
It's easy to get caught up in life's struggles. School, health, family, relationships, friends... can become overwhelming at times. But the woods are always there, right in the backyard - and so calming - and so incredibly beautiful. And such a reminder of why this town is really unique place to be.
today, i had a uniquely frustrating experience with the lovely overseas employees also known as adobe tech support.
it is common knowledge that large companies, such as adobe, out source their tech support overseas, presumably to save pennies. the direct by product of this effort is a remarkable increase in customer aggravation. but they aggravate with a smile.
Here is how it works. When you make a call to tech support, you dial a 1-800 number and are transfered to a computer-automated system that asks you to select from a series of vague numeric menus.
press 1 for..
press 2 if youre...
press 3 ...
it used to be that you could bypass this nonsense by "staying on the line" for an operator to assist you. however in the digital age, this no longer exists.
so if you are lucky enough to remember options 1-9, you select one. if you are unlucky to get to listen to them all over again. which is loads of fun.
back to the case in point, this automated system is supposed to direct you to the support group that can best resolve your issues.
we have been having issues with coldfusion. for those of you who are not part of the macromedia and adobe cults, adobe, long ago, bought out macromedia making itself the digital graphics, multi-media & web giant. so, to get tech support for macromedia products, you need to go through Adobe.
I called today because i attempted to register coldfusion mx (and old version) online to initial a web tech support case. apparently there is no direct support line to call for coldfusion (or so says the web). after i was routed by the automated system, i was greeted by a friendly operator with a heavy accent, reminiscent of past grad student friends from india. i explained my issue as thus:
i'm having browser specific issues with a web application. we think that there might be a conflict between this old version of coldfusion and the new version of IE. i'd like to talk to tech support about upgrading to understand if this might resolve our issues.
"ok, let me tranfer you to the .... department for assistance. here is the number just in case you lose this connection. can i help you with anything else today?"
"can i please have your customer id?"
"i don't have a customer id" i responded.
"ok, please tell me your problem"
me: "ok"
operator: "is there anything else i can help you with today?"
me "no thanks"
"customer id please"
"i don't have a customer id!"
"product please"
"cold fusion"
"i can't help you but i'll transfer you to tech support.
"can i have your customer id"
"i don't have a customer id"
"well, we can't help you, i'll transfer you to customer service for assistance."
"i've already spoken to customer service and 4 other people"
"maam - i can't help you without a customer id"
"can i please have your customer id"
at this point i decided to change my tactic.
"i would like for YOU to give me a customer ID because i don't have one."
i think the customer service dude was tickled by this. he chuckled.
"ok maam i can help you with that!"
"oh, and you're the fifth or 6th person i've spoken to over the past 45 minutes"
"ok maam i'm going to transfer you directly to dave in technical support - he can help you with your issue with coldfusion"
"can i have your customer id please".
"ok, can i have your name"
"can i please have your serial number"
"yes, D as in DOG, C as in CAT"
"NO, not T as in Trolley, C as in Cat"
"i'm sorry but your serial number is invalid"
from time to time i contemplate people and their respective interactions. actually all of the time is a bit more realistic. it seems that, for the most part, people are only interested in what suits their needs at any particular time. there are many friends and relationships out there however a very VERY select few truly consider others as individuals who are true people as opposed to individuals that some way, some how, suit their needs.
i've gotten to a point where i can accept that fact that many people, if not most people, generally suck... this acknowledgment allows one to generally interact with others, accepting the fact that they might ultimately turn, disappoint, etc, etc... accept - move on. it happens.
it's like the ex who cheated on you. or who u gave everything and in return he took everything he could. or the one who decided he'd no longer talk to you - who knows why.
it's a funny funny world when you contemplate these things and try to make sense of them. opening up to someone yields vulnerability and sometimes - sometimes they really just don't care or can't see past their own life bubbles. then you realize that other people's decisions are theirs to make - good or bad - mean-spirited or well intentioned. and all you can do is move forward, finding happiness in the little things around you that could be fleeting, but at the moment are beautiful and rewarding.
maybe this is why we are all, for the most part, searching for that one person who will see the other as beautiful on all levels and accept. because atleast we know that when everyone else around us disappoints, that one will still be there - with best intentions in mind.
still there are some days when they all just suck. come to terms with it now. it's not worth a fight.
This weekend has been all about the bike. Yesterday, in recovery from both a previous day's ride, and a late night out i ventured out to visit the llamas with the ladies. this ride could only be characterized by a few words... stop and chase-down.
within only a few minutes of starting the ride, my saddle bag came loose. whatever - i stopped to fix it and raced to catch back up.
right as we crossed over to venture down whitehall to tadpole, my chain slipped off trying to shift into the big chain ring... the front derrailier has been sticking lately and in general has been a pain in my ass... so i had to stop, fix it, ... race to catch-up. at the bottom of whitehall i finally caught up for the second time... and onward we went. out of no where i felt a sharp sting on my leg. as the sting intensified i stopped to check it out. turns out i had been stung - and it hurt! it was starting to swell and once again, - for the third time i needed to chase down the pack... with a partially swollen thigh.
awesome.
atleast there were the llamas. they were out basking in the sun and rolling in the dirt (did you know that llamas roll on their backs - just like dogs do? i sure didn't.) and atleast the pace was relaxed and the weather couldn't have been more perfect.
it was just one of those days i guess...
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