let it out, let it go

this past spring my friend's gf suggested that i read a new book. in short it's the "army guide to being a boyfriend" book all about how a guy could be the best boyfriend he could be - an insight into the female psyche yet also designed to evoke laughter and "that's so true!" from the ladies.

while the contents of the book are in part amusing, in part more true for most guys i've met and in part off the wall, there was one chapter in particular that struck me as being true - for both sexes. it's called:

keepin' crazy in the bag.

the bottom line - just in case you don't feel like reading on is that i'm convinced dating is one large social experiment controlled by the crazy gene.

If you're with me and interested to learn more -- read on.

we all are well-acquainted with crazy - or have been at atleast one point in our lives. if you deny this, then you're lying! or perhaps shy. it's there, inside of you - admit it!

crazy is released by an emotional response, triggered by some event - or perhaps biotic interaction (probably with a person - boyfriend / girlfriend but who knows - maybe fido's little mistake on your carpet or mr cactus' spine deeply implanted in your finger caused the stir).

the bottom line is that crazy, is the loose-cannon / third wheel in most if not all relationships.

crazy makes us all do and say things that are - for the most part absolutely and completely absurd - especially in retrospect! crazy manifests in different forms and intensities for different people.

here are some things that crazy makes us do

• accuse a significant other of cheating with / hooking up with a completely ridiculous other person, simply because they are - of the opposite sex
• accuse - the other of doing something that they absolutely did not do, write, say. and do it was utmost confidence. "oh you ____ (insert appropriate verb - did, said, meant) - i know it!" - this person has truly lost it because, they think they know what you "did, said or meant" and you KNOW, for a fact, they are wrong. In their world though, they're right. it's not worth a fight - they're possessed by the crazy.
  
• repeatedly contact - call / email / text - over and over. sad but understandably crazy.
  
• obsess - read and rereading old emails, blogs, letters - analyzing traces of things that really are not there. because it's always about them. unfortunate with too much time on the hands, but still crazy.
  
• insult - out come the bag of things that we shared during those trusting times in the most insulting form - below the belt. sad for both parties involved- still crazy.
  
• assume - that everything that you say, do, etc somehow relates to them.
  
• you get the idea

ladies and gentlemen - crazy has left the bag

crazy reveals the ugliest under belly that we all try to hide. the ego. the disrespectful pride. the vain. the hurtful. the arrogance the most unfortunate part about this crazy gene that we all have is... while the person letting lose is upset - they are, in turn, invoking in the other party an unintentional (perhaps, but hopefully not intentional) emotional roller coaster. don't get drawn into a losers battle. the problem remains that they do not realize this as --

they're stuck in a state of acute delirium! aka - crazy is captain and the ship is going down.

crazy can be immediate or it can take time to bust out. sometimes weeks or even months after an interaction has occurred, the grave is plundered, deceased issues dug up. perhaps to dispel repressed anger. or perhaps in some desperate attempt to regain communication. why bother?

letting crazy out - in some ways is a form of personal, natural selection. here's why.

if we all acknowledge that it's in us to some extent (AND IT IS), then it becomes a matter of how intense, and in what form it manifests itself. thus, the true basis for ANY relationship becomes each individual's ability to deal with, control, absorb the other's true bag 'o craziness. the true level of craziness that we all hold deep inside is kept at bay at the beginning of a relationship. When it rears it's beady little eyes - in small doses or via full blown attack, the form that it takes is telling; it can make or break a relationship and a subsequent friendship.

with this natural selection in mind, comes the test-drive phase. Perhaps all of the people that we date in between those select meaningful few (ones that last more than a few months), present unique opportunities to:

1. understand (lit review) - come to an understanding of our own bagged up crazy. if we know what we're working with, perhaps we can better control it.
   
2. get it out of our system (setup the experiment). get it outta there and watch it react! ...for good - this is the crazy that we wouldn't want to expose to someone who we really care about down the road.
3. monitor response (data and results) -- identify what reactions will be like to different levels and forms of crazy.
   

Dating is thus one large social experiment controlled via natural selection by way of the crazy allele.

The beauty of it all is that the digital age brings with it unique opportunities to control, mediate and mitigate potential negative feedback caused by someone else's loosely tied crazy bag. click, click, click - done. the sad part is that we all endure both sides of the crazy fence at given points in our lives be it giving or receiving and through these interactions friends are lost.