tears & my first race - iron cross VI

i came down the last stretch of fire road, and saw the final turn onto the paved road back to camp. tears fell. I dropped into the big ring and the drops and made my way to the finish. my lungs swelled and i gasped for air. For once, it wasn't just asthma.

i knew i did it. i was overwhelmed.

tears continued to pour as i passed people grinding up the last rollers. legs felt good - strong even on that smooth paved surface. i turned into the camp and saw the final leg of the course. I heard my name from the crowd yelling "way to go - catch that guy (there was one in front of me). it felt SO GOOD. i heard the announcer say my name - and also emphasize how 2 guys were catching me right at the line (YES, i SUCK at mounts and dismounts i know - thank you for the public announcement confirming this). I rolled in to see aaron with a huge smile on his face - i looked at him and broke down.

"are you ok? are you hurt?"
"no", i responded, tears streaming "i just honestly didn't think I could do this. I didn't think i could finish"
"oh, i knew you could finish." he was laughing at my overboard rush of emotions.

my question to myself is - why did everyone BUT ME know this?

it was a moment that won't soon be forgotten. and one that i don't think anyone can really understand. it's been a rough few months of physical and emotional struggle. but - i did it!

it's hard to imagine less than 3 years ago i was showing up for shop rides, worried about making it 35 miles on flat terrain, with toe clips and sneakers and cotton drawers under my chamois (YES, i didn't know better - i'll admit it, laugh away). encouraged by Mr Rito, I worked my way up to a century that summer and have since fell in love with cycling. it's hard to imagine just a year ago, that trails on the bike terrified me. Every little bump, root, rock, change in elevation, made my heart rush and body tense. Now i'm riding a rigid steel frame over rocks - not all but some - some are still scary, admittedly. now i'm passing guys on the uphill and riding steep trails when the rest are on foot. while i'm not fast, i'm content to be somewhere i didn't think i could be years ago.

And that is how it all ended, but what about the beginning???

In the Beginning

It started with a mellow evening camping in Pine Grove Furnace State Park. Gdogg and Ruk lent me a tent so I could enjoy a relaxing race start morning, avoiding a 4am rise and drive. I rolled in well after dark, set up camp and crashed. The night's sleep was sound; the evening air cool and crisp; the native woodland sounds were musical and soothing with owls out in full force.

i was up well before sunrise due to a natural internal 'im outside sleeping' alarm that awakes eager to enjoy the rising sun over the trees and early morning bird's song. I was ready to put in some climbing miles- after a week of lazy flat cross trail rides out at accuweather. Multiple attempts at eating breakfast failed - I had no interest in food so I gave up and drove to the race.

Registration and Prerace "Staging"

i road the Soma down to registration with a guy on sweet boxy van dessel frame. post registration i sat in the subi and admired all of the boys, i mean bikes, as they rolled by warming up and getting ready. I was 1 or 27 women in this field of 300 some. the mass of racers and bikes at the start was unnerving and many meant business. The chilled 40 degree air added to prerace nerves. i befriended a few women at the start who had ridden the course in previous years; they provided course insight asking about my "racing" experience.

me: "um, this is my first race - ever"
atleast 5 turned around and looked at me
like I was crazy "ever? WOW, what made you pick THIS ONE?" one asked.

why not go big?
RIGHT: stolen pict - i'm the SPEC in the very BACK RIGHT HAND corner of this pict. LAST! Don't be fooled - there are a lot of people in front of the pack in this picture as well!

Let the race begin

the race begun with one lap of a conventional (iron lite) cross course. I was so nervous that i came out of the "circle of death" cross course DEAD LAST. this meant, no drafting for me and a lot of work on my own for this race. i caught up with one of the women i'd met early on. She was from the DC area, riding a Pinarrello and was super chill. we road and chatted for a while calming some nerves as my body warmed under the rising sun. The leaves were brilliant reds and yellows and the sky bright blue. What a day!

I was itching to climb and ready for the real ride to begin. As we approached the first large rollers, i soon realized I was talking her ear off and she was out of breath; my legs wanted a faster pace so off i went - solo again and in search of a wheel that i wouldn't find in that race for long.

I got this Far, Now What?

The first section of riding was largely roads and fire roads. i knew being alone was a BIG MISTAKE and the field was probably cruising fast ahead of me, DAMN. i managed to catch a few of the remnant groups on the early climbs but i also feared dying early; before i knew it, i was at aid station one. While i have volunteered at countless aid stations, I had no idea what to do as a rider!

do i eat?
do i need water?
do i stop at all?

I felt like i needed to get through quickly as i didn't want to come in dead last in this race and i was at the tail end of the pack. So i did what only seemed logical at the moment - rush, pull arm and leg warmers and stuff in jersey pockets, then mix in a handful of fig newtons to snack on later (with the arm warmers). great thinking!

Needless to say, later when i tried to grab a newton in the one paceline i latched onto, i got a mashed mess of cookie, fig and arm warmer lint. BRILLIANT!

Rocks, more rocks and the "walk up of death"

the second segment of riding was rough - literally! it included the most technical of the single track sections which was rocky and full of logs and a fairly steep rocky, washed out section which i started to ride but then wimped out when it turned vertical. In all actuality, it wasn't that bad. And my saying that means something as I'm a HUGE WIMP. Mentally I was intimidated by the "race" and still lacked confidence.
RIGHT: I think i actually road this section - another stolen pict.

a little confidence please

if there was one thing i learned from this race it was - don't always assume everyone on a bike is your (technical) superior. I spent a lot of time watching people's lines and assuming if they were walking, I should do the same. After some time i slowly realized i could do more than my mind thought i was capable off and tried some rocks making it through. Hmmmm, maybe i should try more and think less.

walk up of death

screw the circle of death cross course - that was just silly and kinda made me dizzy. The true test of life in this race was the dreaded POWER LINE WALK UP. yes, imagine the steepest, rockiest / sandy stretch of trail that you've ever hiked... NOW, hike that trail WITH your bike on your back or at your side in CYCLING SHOES with cleats. too steep to ride and the hardest 15/20 minutes of the race. i was in a large group and we tried to make the best of it talking our way up to the top.
RIGHT:2 more stolen picts - the power line walk up!

at the top, aid station 2 was a sight for sore eyes!

am I on pace?

me: hey, am i on pace to finish the race before the 6 hour cut off at aid station 4?
them: bike line guys, oh yea, you're good!

SWEET!!! Am i really doing this?

i spent some time refilling my pack with water and recovering in the hot sun and then took off again - ALONE. my legs were tired and calves insinuating near future cramping so i took the next section slow and spun them out drinking as much as possible. the walk up took a good bit out of me. give me another CLIMB ON MY BIKE ---PLEASE. after a few miles of solo riding a team of guys - roadies i'm sure flew by paceline style on a rolling stretch of pavement. i jumped on their wheel and was comfortably pulled the next few miles at a good pace. they were awesome! and i needed the pickup. we split up as another stretch of rolling fire roads approached.

Bring It! - (the CLIMBING, of course)!

the next part of the race that i remember was a great, steep in sections, rocky double track climb. it was kinda like gettis - with more narrow sections. most people were walking here but i was dead set on CLIMBING. I may be slow but I'm a sucker for that climbing zone so I grinded on up to the top. along a rolling stretch of fire road, a guy i passed decided to grab onto my wheel. i pulled him for a mile or two and he promised to make it up to me on the following descent (he had a few pounds on me and was much braver on gravel descents so i knew he'd drop me fast). He gave me some insight into the next portion of the course so I could plan ahead. I took the nice long descent at a comfortable pace and braked at the bottom to grab food from my pack to fuel the next climb. At this point, i had hardly eaten all day and i knew that would inevitably catch up to me. the surly single speed chica caught me as i was opening a protein bar and we road together for a while. this was also her first cx race and she was starting to wear a bit thin grinding away on one gear! we talked through it and before we knew it, aid station 3 - mile 43 was there.

screw rest, give me a real climb

i asked the gentleman at aid station 3 where i was and how far i had to go. he warned me about the intense climb ahead. I had just eaten and didn't feel the need to stop, so i went for it!

i had been warned about this one - LONG AND STEEP. i was a little nervous - was it one greenlee? greenlee and bear gap? how long? but really i was STOKED for a real climb! the legs were feeling OK and i was still be upright this far into the race. i blew through the aid station and tackled the climb.

the climb was NOT all that difficult. it was steep in sections but also had plenty of small descents to break up the grind. in actuality short steep sections in an otherwise mellow climb break things up as well as you can focus on different technique. there are no breaks to be had on climbs in Rockrock so this climb was cake comparatively. Aid station 4 - the FINAL rest point and cut off if you're over time, followed. i really was GOOD. i knew i just needed to stay upright for 13 more miles.

can i have new lungs, please??

at this point, my legs were tired but not in bad shape. Moreover, my LUNGS were seriously tightening up with breathing becoming increasingly more difficult. i let my body rest some, broke down and used my inhaler, forced down a banana, drank and took off at a modest pace hoping the lungs would relax. the next 10 miles were HARD. for me, being off road is doubly exhausting as i tense up, worry and lack confidence. there were rocks - and lots of them. streams (3 in total 2 of which were tiny), logs, hills and then more hills. There was also a lovely stretch of muddy trail which i managed to get stuck in at one point! i had to laugh at myself as a guy behind me took the manageable, dry line to the left.

my legs burned grinding over rocks and a persistent cough continued slowed me down. i felt my head start to get light as i made my way up one of the final steep rocky trail climbs. this climb would normally be just my style. I road past a guy walking and he encouraged me for riding the hill. I knew my legs could make it to the top, however the familiar light headedness / dizziness and nausea in addition to my lungs tensing clearly signaled that my head and lungs and heart were not in sync at that moment as happens from time to time. i needed to let them work it out and this wasn't the place to push it if i wanted to finish. i took a deep breath, and dismounted to avoid an otherwise inevitable fall. frustrating.

Final Stretch!

a fire road welcomed me at the top. air flow was a bit better and i knew i was in the last 5 miles of the race. as with the other descents, many of the guys i had passed earlier climbing flew by... (I NEED to seriously break less on those downhills, i literally have raw patches on my hand from breaking all day!). before i knew it, i was turning onto the final paved road, in my big ring grinding home, sweeping up the rollers and catching all of those who passed me on the previous descent. i was on my way to finish and completely determined to get there...

and the rest, my friends is history. my first race - i finished just under 6 hours.for team larke chaya de cacao! 15/27 women - not a stellar time by any means but better than i thought i'd do. I'm tired today but a tight chest / lungs is really what is most sore. I know i left some riding out on the course for next year! i'm certain I can do better with more base miles in the spring/summer (i hardly road this year until late summer!), a bit more effort earlier on and a little prerace confidence.

Sometimes, A Little Encouragement Goes A Long Way

i was so grateful for the many prerace words of encouragement and support. sometimes one needs that and this definitely WAS one of those times. I am certain the creamery milkshake had something to do with fueling my finish (misha!). to rara's pep talk on the phone "it's just a 62 mile ride with 300 of your closest friends". to tent lending, dog mania and yummy indian food at Gdogg's. to gretta's continued words of excitement, support and encouragement - as i talk her ear off. and cowboy yelling my name at the finish, and greeting me with a huge smile and an earned high five. i had no idea how meaningful a friendly face at the finish could be after all that time on the bike. to b and nicole driving down to see me at the end, covered in dirt and sweat, sobbing with excitement. talk about a great first impression on your long-time friend's girlfriend!

what's next?

in short, the day, was a BLAST. the course - phenominal. i'd be game to ride again next week if I could! but alas, I'll wait another year and contemplate my second crazy long-distance adventure in bike racing. off road please!