funk

i've been in a funk as of late...

something about the time of year. short cool days. 8 hours or work only to return to darkness.

group rides made impossible. solo rides as well except for tolerable weekend days.
while the cold snow brings a certain familiar comfort.

sitting inside, sipping hot tea and honey. reading. going to the gym. long snowy hikes on the ridge.

it brings with it a certain emptiness. remembering times spent inside with someone - who understood. there was at one point, one person, years ago, who for a brief time understood. while i never look back and regret, I continually wonder if i'll ever find that again.

friends grow and change around me. they have, one by one, gotten married. or at least found that one... they are now caring for little ones, or expecting little ones. understandable, they have less time for their friends. they slowly drift away. everything changes.

my struggles, victories, hurdles to cross feel so different from theirs. and given they are the only ones who are close, its as if my struggles are alien to the world.

with professional goals so straight and clear, personal goals are a cloud of grey as i detach further from everyone around me in frustration - assuming at some point they too will drift away or disappoint. and i just wonder if i'll ever meet that person who will, in short, get and appreciate me and fill that void that has been there for the past few years.

don't need much
just a real connection
with someone.
not sure tho that it's out there.

in the meantime, i'll keep truckin away like i do best. following goals and dreams.
the ball keeps rolling. generating momentum and force.
and won't stop till a hurdle substantial enough to divert its movement, crosses its path at the opportune time. then maybe things will slow down...