contradictions

it's hard to not question motives. motives of everyone. words spoken are heard but are they really felt? and moreover what are the true intentions? it's easy to believe in a way of life that seems best yet live and follow a life path that's distinctly different from those beliefs.

given a world of contradictions, which path is most true? and furthermore how can one tell truth from a purely aesthetic-based presentation of a perceived self that in reality doesn't exist?

i contemplate the collision between what brings with it comfort, security and happiness and what path is best - the path most sensitive to the non-human environment. i have a home filled with things, a car that i like to drive yet avoid knowing it's greater scale impact. the footprint of my home is more suited for a family yet i live there. i avoid eating meat for environmental and ethical reasons yet I am still trying to fight using products that are most certainly tested on animals or environmentally harsh. i understand the impacts of climate change yet i still purchase bananas and other non-locally produced foods at the store. is it possible to live a life, in this society, and in this day and age that does not involve contradiction?

in truth my happiest moments have been consistently the most simple. they have involved few of the things described above that bring with them security and comfort. and in fact, some of the most memorable times have been those most uncomfortable that force an overwhelming awareness of a world and environment that's complexity is beyond the full grasp of even the greatest human minds.

given the contradictions that i constantly try to iron out in my own life, i wonder what others think and what to do with their words. how does one trust and love and be comfortable when surrounded by contradiction?

it is in these moments that i miss soulful friends - ones with open hearts and minds, a sense of self-awareness and true compassion for all that is life who are seemingly scattered around the country. simultaneously and perhaps more powerfully, i miss the simplicity and freedom of a much simpler life - time spent in the woods, on my bike, on foot - time spent alone following an adventourous path that is largely unknown, unplanned and uncontained in any way.

at times, its overwhelming. who's happiness and best interest is most important?
at other times however, it's all too clear.