life

life is a funny animal.

it barks, it growls, it bites...sometimes, if you're lucky - or work hard enough - or manipulate correctly - it purrs.

sunday am, i woke up and all was well... as it could be at home.. it was well. the world was relatively calm and the only thoughts on my mind were those of future. what will i do? where will i go? school? work? pa? somewhere else... same old same old. these questions have been taxing my mind for months now - ever since my life's path hit an intersection with an infinite number of routes. i woke up one day and realized that in my single state, i could do and go anywhere that i wanted. i no longer needed to make decisions surrounding another person.

but i digress...

i woke up sunday am and the only things taxing my mind were those that had been there for many, many months. later in the day, i received a text message that made my heart sink into an empty stomache... luna was in a bike accident.

the message said he was going to be OK. the phone call said he was life flighted to a nearby hospital.

logically i knew that he was ok. his wife told me so. but emotionally the thought of my friend in such a frayed and torn state, being rushed to the hospital made me nauseous and brought tears to my eyes. to add to things, there was nothing that i could do. i thought about jumping in my car, but where would that have brought me?

on a selfish note, luna and ruk have been there for me through some extremely difficult times. they helped me through an emotional and tumultuous breakup. they helped me reclaim and rebuild my house in the after math. they've brought laughter and smiles to my life through long, early morning bike rides (climbing most of the way ofcourse - especially with luna!), garden tours, nursery explorations, dog walks and hikes, home-cooked dinners, late nights out. we also have a bond through our dogs -- who -- if you know me - and them - you realize are like children. what would i do without people like that in my life?

there are a few friends and family members in my life that i feel so strongly about, that even the thought that one day they might get seriously sick or hurt, sends icy cold shivers through my body, leaving me numb. they make the world a worthwhile place.

i sometimes wonder if the friends who i care about know how much they mean to me. and i sometimes wonder why it takes a traumatic event - even one that has an ok outcome - to remind me that there are bigger things to worry about in this world, than a job and its relative geography.

after all -- all of the growling and barking, is just noise.
the bites hurt, but flesh wounds heal.