the illusive pickle plant

this weekend, a few lengthy rides brought up topics of great significance came up instilling in my mind a few, mind taxing questions; as follows:

1. i wanted to make guacamole. when discussing it with my good friend of many many years, she noted that i was lacking guacamoles to make the guacamole dip. there were no guacamoles to be found in order to make said goodness!
   
   no guacamoles? whatever will we do? and how do those puppies grow? on a guacamole tree?
   perhaps.
   
   
2. Apparently there is a family tradition to make hamburgers from ground turkey meat. How does this work i wondered? Whatever the process is, it must be biological.
   
   
3. There are some people who actually grow pickles on plants. A pickle plant! wherever does one acquire such a herbaceous species?
   
   
4. There are some people, who eat lunch for dinner - this was actually discovered in weeks past however it seemed appropriate to bring it up here.
   
   
5. Swedish fish are an appropriate course to eat for dinner. after all - fish is the healthiest of all proteins.
   

in short, if anyone knows where i can find a farm, that has a good stock of burkeys or curkeys (you know the animals that are part turkey, part cow), and has an ample supply of pickle plants and guacamole trees, AND also is on a dinner lunch switch schedule, can you hook a sister up?

thanx.