hollow

this word best describes me these days.
there is a huge void - that has been left.

what was once whole, smooth and solid - is now jagged, withered and empty.
what was once so perfect - is now shut down.
the switch has flipped and what was once the shining star in my life - and in my future - is now a huge unknown.

food is tasteless. work is bland. my weighted eyes just want to close - and reopen with things worked out.
solace is only to be found on the bike - or in the woods. thank goodness for that - it's where spent so much time as of late...

alone is good - yet the minutes feel like hours - hours like days.
sometimes surrounding yourself with friends is better - and needed. i have - without a doubt - the best group of friends anyone could possibly ask for. how am i so fortunate?

i want to call but - i know now is not the time. i want to atleast know he's ok but - space is best for now so... he can figure things out.

i think back to the beginning when - he drove 3 hours to greet me at my door with soy milk and home made cookies. when we laughed and laughed. when we were so happy. i'm not sure what's changed aside from stress. maybe that's enough to test. and the ultimate question is - will we - can we pass?