reality

relationships of all kinds are hard.
there's a certain reality that hits you when you are struggling with an unknown.

you know, what you feel.
you don't ever truly know what the other person feels.

you can guess. you can listen to their words and chose whether or not to believe them.
you can analyze their actions and see if actions parallel / support words.

but in the end, you don't ever truly know beyond what they say and/or do. you must then have faith in the fact that their words are true and they are in touch with their feelings.

when you love someone, the feelings can be so strong that - when you argue, when you are frustrated, when you are unsure - you can be blinded by intense emotion. the blinders don't allow you to see beyond yourself in the moment because - you are upset, you are hurt, etc, etc (insert whatever emotion you are feeling at the time), and you just want them to see that and understand. but at the same time, you are blinded because you are protective of yourself. for love yields vulnerability. i think most know what it's like to have your heart broken. self-preservation is thus a natural reflex.

when you come down out of the haze, and are able to think straight - or atleast more rationally, you realize that the other party involved is also hurt. and if you really did love them, you would do what needed to be done to alleviate / fix / mediate that - even if it means walking a way or taking a break.

the irony of this realization is that it's not necessarily what you need - or what you want - but it's what they need. the other irony of this realization is that - you don't know if the other person still loves you. harsh words exchanged, time spent apart, etc.

this is the part that hurts the most.

so, the only thing that you can do is wait - for them to come back on their own time. and hope that their feelings are in line with yours and that things can be worked out. and then be prepared for the possibility that they might not come back at all. because in the end, you don't really ever know what the other person is thinking, until you hear those words and absorb them with faith that they're true and pure.

i'm trying not to call, text or email. so far i haven't done such a great job. i don't know why such a basic limitation is so hard to follow.
i miss him - a lot.