withered

The purple flowers of Echinacea, or purple coneflower attract butterflies, bees, and sometimes even hummingbirds. It has various herbal medicinal applications as well including combating colds and other ailments. The plant's overall bloom time is short compared to its relatively long perennial cycle. As the blooms begin to die back, a spiny seed filled center is revealed. This loss of color and its initial beauty is lost in the eyes of many; but the reality is that its complexity is just beginning to unfold as those spiny stems provide excellent perching spots and snacks for birds and when disrupted, drop thousands of seeds which perpetuate the existence of this seemingly simple plant. Throughout its summer duration, it's storing up energy - planning for the next year. Eventually the stems die back but in the spring, new shoots appear - spread throughout the landscape - old plants even more full than in previous years and new plants adding more color to the garden. the dead stems stand tall - adding texture to an otherwise bland winter environment. and with the right eyes, their beauty can be seen - standing tall amidst the cold winter months.

This blossom was a gift just a few weeks ago. i thought it symbolized love and compassion. day by day i've watched its delicate petals shrivel - trying to make sense of its complexity. trying to appreciate it for what it was in full form. trying to not focus on it now in its withered state. trying to appreciate the complexity of its cycle. its current withered state seems to parallel my own - outside and in.

given time, water and nutrients to replenish, and our parallel states, the question then becomes - when it goes to seed, is it better to seek out new growth or wait for the old to rejuvenate in an even fuller form? that is - if it rejuvenates. furthermore, can it be trusted to not wither away again shortly there after, taking me with it again? hence the complexity - or better put, the risk.

life is about risk though. sometimes the risk is too great. sometimes it pays off ten-fold. how much can one take? what is really worth it? i want to give it everything - to help it regenerate. but that can't happen without it being healthy and whole - strong on its own and ready to grow. ready to both receive and give.

and given my similar drained state - full of self insecurity and doubt - can it rejuvenate me in return? or am i on my own yet again. time. life unfolds in time.